Question..

Hey, can I ask you something?

Of course. What is it you want to say?

Well, I’m sad. And I guess I don’t know what to do.

Why are you sad?

I don’t know.

So, how can I help you?

I don’t know. I was hoping you could give me some answers.

No, all I have are questions.

That wasn’t a question.

So its going to be semantics?

No, sorry. So what good does that do me?

Well, why does one ask a question?

Because they want an answer.

Do you always get what you want?

No, obviously. So then what’s the point of this?

You asked me. What do you want the point to be?

I don’t know, but I don’t want to be sad anymore.

Do you want to feel emotionally void?

That sounds better than being sad.

If you no longer felt sadness, would that be fine for the rest of your life?

Well, I wouldn’t mind some good times every now and then…

Do you not have good times now?

I mean, some. I guess it’s not *always* bad.

Then what more do you want?

Can I have more good days than bad?

Do you think I control that?

Do you?

Do I?

This is all feeling very circular.

…

No. Of course you don’t.

Who controls your emotions?

Well, me, but its a mixture of a lot of things.

What all is in this mixture?

Work, stress, friends, love. Politics. Life. Shitty people. Lots and lots of shitty people.

Does work make you happ-

No! I hate my job.

Then why do you work there?

Because I need money to survive.

Is there no other job in the world that you can do?

Don’t be stupid. That’s obviously not the case.

Ah, insults. And you just mentioned shitty people.

No. Sorry. This is all just stressful.

Why is this stressful?

No. Look, Th… Yes, there are other jobs out there in the world.

Why not go work for one of those, then?

It’s not that easy.

How hard is it?

So generically its not hard, but nobody is really hiring. And my job isn’t bad. It’s the people.

The employees?

No. Maybe some. But, its mostly the customers.

Won’t every job have customers?

Not all jobs have customers like this, though.

What job is this?

Customer service. It’s a shitty asshole of an industry.

What makes it shitty?

The people are so rude. They’re terrible and disgusting!

What industry would you like to work in?

I don’t know.

Then how can I help?

I want to tell stories.

Ah, finally! And what stories would you like to tell?

I don’t know. Any story, really.

Its that simple, then?

No… No. Okay, so not any story. Fantasy. Adventure. Maybe mystery.

What is the point of telling a fantasy story?

To entertain people.

So you want to be an entertainer. Then, perhaps you could go join a circus?

No. Well, no… no. I wanna tell stories. I just said that.

So what is the difference between telling a story and entertaining someone?

A story has point. It has conflict and tension and resolution. There’s usually an underlying message.

Do all stories have a point?

I mean, maybe. Probably not. I’m sure there are plenty of pointless and stupid stories out there.

Do you think the person who told those stories intended to tell a “pointless and stupid” story?

No. Probably not.

How would you feel if you told a story and someone said it was stupid or pointless.

I don’t know. Tell them to go to hell?

So you would give them a dose of that rudeness you don’t like?

No. I don’t know. Maybe I would just say sorry you didn’t like my story and move on.

So, what message do you have for people?

Be nice to people in the service industry you fucking pricks!

So only people in the service industries deserve kindness?

No, obviously not. My message is that people need to be nicer to people.

Only Humans deserve kindness?

No. Again, obviously not. Fine. My message is that people need to be nicer. In general.

Don’t change your message on my account. I’m simply asking questions.

No, its a fair point.

Can your message only be told through fantasy stories?

No, but it would be more entertaining. Though I suppose I could just print out “Be nice” pamphlets.

How many rude customers of yours do you think read fantasy stories?

That number is most definitely zero.

So your message of kindness will not reach any of the rude people you want to reach?

Nope. I suppose it wouldn’t. And there we go. That’s why I don’t tell stories and work in shitty fucking customer service.

Well, I suppose it is.

Yep.

So, then. Are we finished?

Sounds like it.

Seems like this turned out to be one of those pointless and stupid stories, then.

Go fuck yourself.

Now conflict.

I can show you conflict!

Rising action.

This is such a waste of time. I don’t even know what I’m doing!

Man vs. Self

Oh, just go fuck yourself!

Man vs. Man.

This is exactly why I don’t follow through with any of this. Nobody would understand anyways.

Man vs. Society. This story is starting to flesh out.

Kick! Fucking! Rocks! I don’t need this. And don’t you dare act like you intended this! I’ve struggled with this! This is all ME!

I understand. And I can see that, what ever it is, its been hard on you. Whatever the reason doesn’t matter. Your story is yours. No one else needs to understand. There are people who have had a much harder life than you, but that doesn’t make YOUR struggles less. There are people who will accomplish much more than you in life, but that doesn’t make YOU less valuable. It sounds like you have a lot to say, but you don’t know how to say it.

…

…

… I thought you only asked questions?

Maybe a comedy, then?

Okay, whatever. I get it, but its still not that easy.

What’s not easy?

I can’t just stop everything and fucking write shit and still make ends meet.

Why does it have to be all or nothing?

No. I mean, it doesn’t have to be. Writing is a process.

What would it take to get you to write?

Well, technically, all I really need is my laptop, but I mean… I don’t know how to get works published. I don’t know how to market. I don’t have a college degree. Nothing I wrote would ever get read. I would never make any money.

So, someone who has yet to write their first story, is already discouraged by the things that come with being an author, the industry that they are wanting to get into?

I’m not discouraged. It’s just. It’s all complicated. My life is just kind of a mess at the moment and I think I need to just focus all my time and energy on my job right now. Take things one day at a time. I will get to it, eventually. When the time is right. I just wanted to vent.

No wonder you’re sad. So why is your life a mess right now?

Well, that’s kind of a dick thing to ask.

Okay, why are you focusing all your time and energy to a job that makes you unhappy?

Because I need a fucking paycheck. Jesus. And my life is a mess, cause it’s life. Life always has a way of kicking you when you’re down.

Why are you down?

Jesus, man. I don’t know. It’s not that easy.

What would make it easier?

I don’t know. I don’t know! Maybe a little more time? Maybe money?! Maybe some help! A thousand things could be better, but then I’m sure two thousand things would be worse. You just don’t understand. It’s easy to sit there and act like you have all the god damn answers!

So it sounds like, no matter what, the timing will never be right and that life is always going to be there taking swings at you. It sounds like you’re waiting for a better opportunity or for things to get easier. And it sounds like you already know that is probably not going to happen.

Yep. So then none of this matters, anyways.

Would the protagonists in your stories quit halfway through their journeys?

This isn’t a fucking book. This is my fucking life!

Who is the main character of your life?

You are so stupidly frustrating.

Why are you frustrated?

Because your god damn questions are annoying.

Why do they annoy you?

Because.

Because why?

BECAUSE THEY ALL KEEP POINTING THE FINGER AT THE SAME FUCKING PERSON.

I see. Would it take away your sadness if I wrote the stories for you?

No. And don’t patronize me.

When I asked what would make writing easier you said time, money and help. I think you already have all the time you need to finish out your life. The money I don’t have, so I can’t offer, but the help… I think I have something that might help you.

Seriously? What is it!

I’ve already given it to you. It was the first question I asked.